Many things

Today I have many many things to talk about, I couldn’t wait until the weekend ends and get to office to write this post, I guess many things go in my mind and I just want it to be documented so in the future read it and think how days go by, or even look at the situation from another perspective, may be there is a msg and I could not get it at that moment. So here I’m, made my black coffee, sat on my chair and started to write.

The bride is my cousin….:D

The bride is my cousin, and yes I had many married cousins, actually few, but this is cousin is special to me. She is few months younger than me, so we had many things in common.

The sad thing is that I could not go to her wedding, since she is in the 48 lands, so, even if I managed to go to Palestine – which is easy to do for me- it would be still hard to get to the wedding, unless I had a passport…so I saved myself the trouble.

I called her to wish her happiness, and she told me how much she misses us, and that all of them there, uncle, aunts, and cousins…it is only missing us…this is not the 1st occasion to miss because of occupation, I missed the wedding of my cousin who was my best friend ( I guess I’ll write about this later), and we could not be at my grandmother’s funeral …..That’s all make me feel sooooooooo angry ….

But again…this time is to celebrats….so …Congratulations Cousin….wish you all the Happiness in the universe…and may Allah bless your life and family with love and pleasure.

I got my hair cut….:(

Finally, I got my hair cut, and I wish I didn’t….it has been months since I decided to get my hair trimmed, I know it is something silly to talk about, but it is a big thing for me, cuz I’m soooooooooo lazy when it comes to going out to make specific things, I just want to go out to hang out and stay out of home.

You know, I don’t like beauty saloons, girls stay in beauty saloons just talking silly talks, smoking, and calling names on each other, this thing irritates me, and I try to avoid going their unless I have to, and when I get there, I just want to get out ASAP.

El mohem…I got my hair cut…..and she succeeded in making a fool of me… lol…I went home with a urging need to cry…the wearied thing I did not…I guess I have changed, and nothing matters any more…ba3deen it is not the end of the world, it will grow up......eventually….

Sghereeih el dineee….

Yes., it is a very very small world, two days ago, I went to a friend’s engagement party, and yes I know this so usual, and nothing abnormal, the surprise was when I saw a girl from school there.

The truth, I never expected to meet her again, since I moved from the city I was living in (as if Jordan is that big), so we sat and talked checking the news of the girls…and WAW it just hit me that it has been 10 years since I left school…WAW…days r in a race…and yes they r winning…any way…Still, the story is not here, the party girl (if I can call her like that), was a girl in my batch, the funny thing is that she was in my third elementary grade….after that grade, I changed the school, the city, and the country…and as they say…days go by…and after years, we met in the university in the same faculty, same discipline, but we did not recognize each other, after 3 years of being together, I remembered her, and went to tell her that we were together in school, and finally she remembered me…the funny thing is that it took me 3 years to remember her…

In the party, a flashback of my whole life played in order, it is the elementary school and the competitive spirit, then, it is the secondary school, that was full of good times, then it is university time, were we got the 1st lessons in life…and the life of work (since my coworker is one of the batch girls)…so in brief …sgheriieh el dini…

They r getting divorce…

Right now, I’m feeling very confused, I can’t decide how to feel, should I be happy?? Sad?? Or even feel nothing at all??? I can’t really make my mind.. and I guess it is the worst feeling ever…

Our neighbors are getting divorced, they have been married for 10 years, the woman is the same age as I am, and they have a 9 years old girl. My confusing feeling is due to the fact that I know that they were never happy together, the 1st divorce was when the girl was just born, and because of the great efforts done, she got back to him, and nothing is better, their life was full of fights and missing any gesture of love, and the most affected person was the girl.

I’m not saying he is an angel, he did the big mistake when choosing the wrong person, and when he started to answer her requests with no argument, and when she decided to impose her full control, he realized what mess he put himself in. She played the greatest role in destroying the house; she always thought she is better than him (even though she is not). She never tried to make him happy, at the contrary; she tried to make his life miserable whenever, wherever she can.

She went to her dad’s home now, they r consulting lawyers for divorce issue, they may solve it peacefully if she decided to give up on her child. They asked me to teach the girl and review her homework with her, I agreed, and when we were studying, the lesson talked about the mother, and how tender she is, I almost dropped a tear, thinking of her saying to her parents: “please, stop fighting, it is enough, plz er7amoneee”…..strange that ppl never think about anyone but themselves….

Strange how we change….

I can’t stop wondering how we change, wether this change is out of our control, or we asked for it. I know it is the nature of life, and we must change wether for better (hopefully) and sometimes for worse…

That day, I was so surprised of myself, we were in the pool, and there were some little girls who were having fun, jumping and playing together, they were enjoying their time, caring nothing about the others, I was upset, saying to myself….how annoying they r, we r here to swim, not to have fun…and a moment after that…I felt the shock…waw…I go to the pool to swim, not to have fun…what a shock…it is me who is saying this!!! Me!! The one who was having fun in every thing….WAW!!

Change is sometimes good, I remember how life has polished my personality, it is true I’m stronger now, but still, I need to make big changes in my life…I wish I can stop crying for the silliest thing, I wish stop being so kind…and learn how to deal with ppl getting advantage from my kindness…

After all I guess we all change…as they say…the only thing that never changes is the change itself.

SORRY BUT I HATE UR CAREER…

I know that u work hard to get the title, that many of u (if not most of u) r so kind and so sweet, that you do ur best to get us better, but still…I hate ur career.

I don’t like the fact that I hate physician’s career, since I know how important they r, the effort they r making, but still, I hate it…may be cause it is related to pain, u never go to a doctor unless u have some pain…

Couple of weeks ago, I went to make a little surgery in my eye, it was soooo easy, it took almost 15 min. this is my 3rd operation, I had the 1st when I was 6 years, the 2nd when I was 11…

The strange thing, is that I have never been afraid from operations, each time I go there, I just depend on God, and I have never been worried, cause I know being worried will change nothing….this time was different, I guess because I was awake, it is true I wasn’t afraid, but I was in pain, I even asked for more drugs. The worst thing is that I had 2 doctors, the main doctor was telling the doctor who is operating how to do it…lol…I was like…wala eshee!!! Ino jai tedarab 3alai!!so I felt somehow worried…lol…the coolest thing, is when they started to talk in English, as if I couldn’t understand them…and while he was giving directions, telling her that she chose the wrong angle, he said: “there is bleeding, why is that? There should be no bleeding”, ana latamet…ino wala eshee!!!

Thanks to Allah, the operation went smoothly; I really thank u people…and excuse me for not liking ur career, it is out of my control……. But the way I like ur look in white coat…u look so cute…and handsome…: )

Sorry…but I don’t feel sorry..!!!!!

It is not like I’m heartless, but I don’t feel sorry for handicapped ppl. I just can’t find a reason to feel sorry for them, and have this sympathy to them, yes I know they r facing troubles in life, but who doesn’t??

My point here, is that God takes something, and gives another instead. I have met many handicapped ppl, and I dealt with them, and u know what…they were so special, I’m not saying that cuz I had low expectations, at the contrary, I had the same expectations for a regular person. They were special because they have things regular ppl don’t have, and they excel in the thing they r doing….

The another thing I noticed, they hate to know that u pity them, they refuse to be considered less than other, and I agree with them , cuz they r never less.

I can’t explain it, I don’t know why am I writing this, but this thought has been going on my head …I guess it is hard to say it, it is not easy to explain, not easy to be understood. I think I need to thank God, there is a blog where I can write what I need to say…

ARE we going to stop asking typical questions??

Strange how we keep on asking typical questions, me myself ask typical questions, that is when I find nothing to say, nothing to talk about.

Whom do u love more?ur mom or dad? and if they r coming from another country, “which country do u like more, here or there?”, not to mention…who bought this dress for u..??would u give it to me…and the list goes on and on…

A typical question is asked for all the kids…: “what r u going to be when u grow up??” as if we know what we r going to be, or as if it was in our hands….and as we have typical questions…we have typical answers….” I want to be a doctor, an engineer…”

I dreamed of being a pilot…yes it was my dream to drive an air plane, but I guess, not every thing we wish for comes true. Being a pilot was my way of reaching the sky, I guess it is the literal meaning for cline dion song “I can fly…I can reach the sky….”. until now, I still wish to become a pilot, each time I get on a plane, I say I will go to the pilot cabinet, but I chickened out… I guess I don’t like my request to be rejected.

Many factors played role in not being a pilot, the strongest was the high cost for education, the physical requirements for this position, not to mention it is not that accepted for a girl to be a pilot. (up to an extent, even though I don’t care that much about what others believe.)

Flying will be one of my dreams, I guess one day I’ll save money, take lessons. on a small plane for sure……and fly….or...I can marry a pilot... and get the lessons for free:P

We like to hear it…we like to believe it….

Strange how like to hear complements, and then we believe it and start to act according to it. It is our nature to do so, and even if we tried to fight this tendency we fail and sometimes just give up.

Me is no difference than other, I like to hear complements, I try to control the feeling of happiness to stay humble, but I can’t hide the thrill I feel when hearing good stuff about me.

That day, I was sitting with a friend of my sister, she asked me to tell her about the person I have in my life, I tried my best to convince her that I have no one in my life, and never have, but my efforts went with the winds. She has this believe that I’m a big liar when it comes to this issue. Her point of view, that I have this personality, where I socialize with many people, with different levels, and in different ways, being successful in life, work and having a good look are the main reasons for not believing that I’m not in love. She also added, that guys may be intimidated by my strong personality, and since I’m a special person, I deserve a special soul mate, and this is not easy to find….I kind liked that….since it agrees with my feeling that I have limited options in life..(I may talk about that later).

I started to mention the weakness I have, may be I wanted to find justifications, I even tried to convince myself with it before convincing her. To tell you the truth, I enjoyed hearing complements, and yes…I couldn’t fight the temptation of believing them….it is enjoyable to hear that u r a good person, specially when it comes from a person that waits nothing from u, and no benefits will gained from saying what has been said.