DAD.....thank U

When it comes to thanking you dad, I think of million of things I can thank u for, your care, continues concern, unlimited giving….and the list can go on and on…
Today, I’m thanking u for raising me with good manner. Thanks cause u planted in me loving others, helping them whenever it is possible. U were a great example for me, no one ever complained from u, since u never hurt any one.

Going in different situations in life made me realized that ur way in raising us taught us how to stick to the right side, fight for our believes and ideas, never commit a mistake, even if every one is doing it.

Dad…thanks for ur good genes…. (I forgive u for the bad ones), I’m proud of my ability to stay calm and never lose a temper, I enjoy that I’m a great believer in destiny, which most of ppl claim they believe in it, but once they r truly tested…they worthily fail.

I’ll always appreciate giving me the right to make decisions in my life, giving me freedom after showing me the right way….in a world were a female is to obey rules…and take orders…

Thanks dad for bearing me, my unfinished requests, my slips and mistakes….thanks for being such a great tauter …and above all…THANKS FOR BEING MY DAD. LOVE U DAD


P.S. I wrote this while I was so upset of my dad, but still I can’t stop admiring him.
another P.S. i wrote this blog cuz i'm proud of dad, not myself(even though i'm)

Finally…she is in love…but….

She is new in her work, still checking the people around. She’ll never forget that day, sitting in her manager’s office and here he passes. He was the one she was dreaming about all the time, she never felt like that toward any one, all the guys she met were kids to her, but his one…he is the man of her dreams….

She never believed in love from 1st sight, she thought people talking about that are silly and so shallow….how do they think?? Love is not about how u look, it is much more than that…so how could she?? And she is the one laughing at others’ stories…..now she is sure…feelings are never controlled…..

“Waaw…he entered the office, defiantly he is not a model, he is not pretty, but he sure knows how to make her heart illogically jumps, she is plashing, she can even feels the heat in her face…her whole body…and the worst thing.. she can’t hide this obvious spark in her eyes…..he says hi, welcomes her in the company…asks her typical questions…and she answers with this weak…trembling voice…..she knew at that time she is in love…..

Her manager: “Mr. M, u have gained weight!!”
Her love: “yah man….it is marriage (bragging) ..u know…newly wed”……WAW….what a shock…it took her a while that is not short to get back from far away thinking…..her hopes went away with the winds….

Days passe by…..they are getting good friends, and even though she does not agree with very essential thoughts he holds… she enjoys talking to him, spending time with him, her happiness can’t be measured when he shows interest in her, she even does her best to get his attention…and gets him like her even more.

There was no way to hide her feelings; her big, un-erasable smile always exposed her … her plashed face, and the way she fixes her look, perfume, and make up before going to him…were so clear, a blind can see them….she is entirely attracted to him……

Deep inside…she knew she does not have the right to love him, it is a love from one side, even if it was from both sides…it is not her right….nor his…he has a family now…..

Going through upsides- downsides ….she lived her life, struggling the inner feeling of guilt…she has to be able to control her feelings, she is a strong person, never been weak…….but she never could….she decided to control her acts…..

Three years later, she left her job, a job that one factor to stay in, is to keep close to him, see him every day and hear his voice…she even hated to wear green, cause when she does, she doesn’t see him that day….she decided not to wear green….

She is away now….but still compares each guy with him, has this fantasy dreams about dancing with him and being held in his arms. Her heart still starts to beat in a bloodcurdling way when she sees his name calling her on mobile….she still wants to call him for the silliest reason…. And then she thanks God she was able to hold herself and never call….

Her prayers are: “Please God, give me strength, and let me get over this….Please God…give me strength to do the right thing…and never hurt any one…including myself”…..

Time passes by….

Yesterday I went to see my best friend, we have been friends for more than 11 years, being class mates was the beginning, then we traveled together, and relation got stronger cause as they say u get to know the reality of person when u travel with him/her. Thanks to Allah we still best friends, and I know that I can count on her each time I need to.

Life gets us busy, and every one gets occupied with his personal manners. Because of that, time passes and u don’t get the chance to meet a friend and hang together, u just get satisfied with the phone, email and sms…

My best friend got married 1.5 year ago, now she has this lovely girl…she is so cute. .ma sha2 allah ( I love kids by the way)…it has been a while since I saw her last time, and u know kids, they grow up very fast, so a week will make a big difference. So.. I saw her yesterday…u know when I saw her mother carrying her in coat ….. I was like…: “waw…time passes by…we just loose the sense of time…. I still have the feeling that we r kids playing in school yard…waw…time passes in an eye blink….”

After one month, it will be my 27th birthday; it is the time where I evaluate my whole year, what I have done so far, what goals I have achieved, what new things I have learned, and what plans I have for future. I have never thought that my 27th birthday will come while I’m still confused and lacking settlement in life…. I’m really confused…and enormous thoughts r flying in my head…I guess I have one month to make up my mind about many things….

I was looking for a pic to this blog…I found a freezed clock…I guess deep inside ourselves we wish to freeze time…or even to control it…. :D

Yesterday ..I cried…

It has been a bad end, for a nice day. Last night I went to sleep crying, it has been a while since I cried, I was feeling that I made a great progress in stopping myself from crying, but yesterday was a defeat for me.

I cry like a baby, worse, I cry more, every thing makes me cry….a sad memory, a crying baby, a seen in a movie, unhappy song…name it…a person with red eye…someone with a tear in his eye (even though I know it is an eye drop)…I cry…

I know it is healthy to cry (not all the time of course), it washes the eyes and the soul, not to mention how much it is good for heart, where u keep no hard feelings inside. But what I don’t like is the weakness that is so associated with tears, it just affects our image. I hate to look weak, but I can’t control my tears. More than once, I thought about going to a Doctor, to see if he can block the tear channels in my eyes so I don’t cry any more.

I cried yesterday, because I felt of injustice. Whatever I do for family and people, I never get credit, I know I should not wait for it, but still, it hurts that all of your efforts to please others are ignored, and never appreciated. It is not fair, to treat kids without justice. To prefer someone over the other, even the other is more committed to u…… that’s why I cried…..

We love old songs, why??

When I was so young, I couldn’t understand why old people( parents, relatives, teachers…name it) love old songs, Fayrooz, Om Kalthoom, Abd el Haleem, and many others. I know that you maybe saying thousands of reasons in your head: it is the real art, the good music, the sweet voice, the meaningful lyrics ..etc…

For me, I guess it is not those reasons for loving those songs, since there are very nice, sweet new songs, and with time passing, we change, and so our taste. Growing up, made me realized, that we love old songs, for the sweet memories they have, for the time stage we were living in, for the people were in our lives at that time.

I enjoy hearing old songs, there was this song: “Mariam maryamtee…3enee mariama…”, it was in the late 80’s as I think, I used to hear it daily, and even though my name is not mariam, but I liked to think he was singing to me, so I used to go to the roof(el sate7) and start to dangle my hair, similar to what he is singing…strange I’m smiling right now just because of thinking of it…

In my new job, there is a girl, she played old songs on her PC, so. I was like the one who found a treasure… “plz….can u give them to me…. Sure..no problem…” and since then I start my morning with those beautiful songs….now I’m listening to .. “nattarne..nattarnee 3ala el shebaak…”

It is hard to live in a plus size body!!

For guys, I know it is hard to understand what I’m talking about, unless they looked at it from a female point view, which is I know not an easy thing to do.

I have been growing up, living in a plus size body, and writing this is not an easy thing to do, but I thought to write it down. I wont talk about how weight and height, affect the way ppl look at me, and think of me, cause this is not our issue here, but I’ll talk about how it affects me….

During the time of school, they used to reserve the last seat for me, since I was the tallest. I wished to be in the front seats, since I was a very good student, with high marks, polite, and so alert to what the teacher says…(in brief… an ideal student…)…but I could not…they wanted other girls to see!!

I hated transportation means, especially buses. The seats were so small, and I had to bend my knees in order to fit in, it was a great feeling when I bought my own car, since I had the luxury to fix the chair the way it fits me..:D

It was that day in the ergonomic lab. Where we had to measure up, and use the batch details to design a chair or a workstation, according to average and dimensions taken. Every one knew that those measurements belong to me, I hated the fact that every one was able to maintain her/his measurements classified, except me….

That day, there was this lady, she is a short one, and she tried to step up on a stair, so she reached me, she laughed and said: “poor kid, they said that u r arrogant( by the way I’m completely the opposite…most of the time) , but it seems that since u r taller than most of us, u had to bend and look from above down to them, that is why they think u look with arrogance)….I was like shocked…this is the 1st time I get the explanation why ppl say the I’m arrogant before they even know me.

I’m not saying that it is a disadvantage all the time, it is true that being tall, and over weight give me this older look, but that made ppl deal with me as an older person, more mature and even wiser than other, and I think that planted leadership in my character….and made me the person ppl ask for help and advice when they can not find the solution…..so I guess it is not that bad after all…..

We just have this tendency to DISLIKE!!!

I think since it is the time for weddings, and at least two or three weddings a week is the normal average in summer time, my ideas are so related to weddings…and here is one of them.

I find it so strange that we have this strong tendency to dislike every thing, every act, look, gesture people make. Wish that was all, we tend to criticize every thing. I find this behavior very obvious in weddings. In the wedding, we start it, and never end it…the bride, her gown, the groom, his suit, the hall, the car, their dancing, how much gold did he buy to her, and lots of things.

I’m not saying that I don’t care about that stuff, I do, but I don’t criticize. Whether they have shown great affection or not, whether they have danced a lot or not, whether they bought gold or even accessories. It is up to them, they can dance the way they wish (I enjoy the saying that you should dance as if no one is watching u), they can hug, kiss as they wish…it is there wedding after all.

The worst thing, when u go to a wedding, and there is buffet, if it was fancy, they would say…he is showing off, if it was not, they would say…what a cheapskate he is…and nothing will ever satisfy them…

It was just thought, I wish ppl stop criticizing others…. And start to think how they should improve themselves as a start….