life!!!

I’m waiting the results!!!

I don’t have any problem with exams, I love them sometimes, but what I really hate and do not tolerate, is the period after the exams, waiting the results…iffttt.. I hate it …it pushes on my nerves, hope the 20th of January wont be that long.

Last week I was in a 5 days training program, I did well, actually very well to a degree the two trainers started to look at me all the time, explaining the material to me, and when asking a tricky, hard question…they just look at me to check if I know the answer…
The truth, I liked that feeling, getting back and taking the lead as I was at school time, cuz in college, I just handed the flag to the others, not caring about the competition, at that time I lost the spirit…thanks to Allah it is back now…and I wish to go on…the only thing here, is that I have to be alerted all the time, otherwise he will catch me talking, drawing…or whatever I’m used to!!!


Some ppl r just so mean!!

This is the 2nd day to live in a shock of how mean people r!! up to now I just can get it, why? How could they? What I did to them? WHY????

I guess it is in the way our parents raised us, to wish good for all the ppl, not just to ourselves…I guess those ppl their parents were absents at that lesson!!

Many plans…nothing would be done…

I thought 2008 will be the year of change for sure, I had many options and work even on more, things r not going the way I wish, and yesterday was day I knew that my 4th plan will not be happen!! Not sad but feeling down somehow, seeing all my plans going with the winds!!
My only consolidation is that Allah always chooses the best for us, and what seems bad now, may hide a good thing after all…what a great and relieving thing to be a believer…it eases your life…

We never know where life takes us….

A friend of mine, a very close one, used to say…we never know where life takes us. At the middle of the relationship, I used to think, what is he talking about, we r friends, and more over, we r cousins, so what could happen to turn this relation apart…no way.. nothing can change us…,but not as usual, I was wrong!!!

I used to consider him as my best friend, I guess he was more than that, a brother who I can share thoughts, feelings with and ask for his advice. Our talks were all about life in general, and since he is part of the family, I felt free to talk about things that go with me daily.

The sweatiest thing was that he was capable of reading my thoughts even before I say it, we agreed on many things, and even though I have a different mentality that is not easy to understand but he was the person who understands me, and knows what I’m talking about.

People could not understand the nature of our relation, and they were convinced that it is love. At that moment I did not care, cuz I knew that it is not love, I was sure he was thinking the same way…he is not my type, yes I know that I admire him, I like his personality, but there was no chemistry…and even if there was, he is happily engaged!!!

Days go by, and this relation changes for worse, emails, chatting, phone calls and even sms r less and less. I admit that I missed him as a friend, especially when he was a corner stone in my life, but as usual, and due to my pride, I said nothing.

Once I was feeling down for a very long time, I thought if I talk to him, and tell him what is going on with me, I’ll feel better, but again I was wrong. His reaction came very shocking, asking me to consider him as a friend nothing more, I was like... “What the hill u r talking about?” u among all the people in the whole world should know what my feelings toward u r, I love u right, but as a brother…his word hurted me so deep, I wish I had the courage to say that u r not my type, but I was so afraid of hurting him…

Today I miss him, I miss our talks, I miss when he used to say the word just seconds before I do, I miss thinking of the same subject even if miles apart us, I miss talking about a song I love…

YES I DO MISS YOU, and even if I’m sad that u caused me this pain, but I still have this feeling to u, and now it is for ur wife and sweet little kid, and as u kept on saying… “We never know where life takes us.”

Strange how we feel in holidays…

Each holiday I start to think that it is going to be special this year, I make a promises to myself, I will be happy, forget all about sad things in life and enjoy the holidays. But when holydays start, I find it same as the other days, with 2 differences, first is we don’t go to work (and this is the great thing about holidays) and the 2nd is u start to feel lonely and missing all the ppl u considered to be friends, lovers, and beloved ppl in your life. A usual thing to do in holidays is to set and think about your life, the meaning of it, and how far you got in it.

This Eid, I would describe it as different, not special, but different. My uncle came to visit us, he is my only uncle, and I admit that I love him. It has been almost 9 years since I saw him last time, and really I missed him.

The funny thing about my uncle is that he chose to stay away from civilization, to live in a village, while he can live in the city. To have a job that is made for uneducated person, while he has his degree. Up to now, I just can’t get what he is thinking of; I guess I’ll never understand his mindset.

Even though I was looking to meeting my uncle, but the feeling of loneliness still the overwhelming feeling in holidays…the only comforting thing is that I’m not the only one who has this feeling, many other do. Hope that next Eid feelings differ, wi kol 3am wi into bi kheer..

I love to live by the sea…

Yesterday, I came back from Aqaba, staying 3 days there. The last time I went there, I did not get the chance to see the sea, the weather was hot, we had a lot of work, and the company I was with did not help…so the only thing I could do is to watch the sea from a distance, and this was killing me.

This time was no difference, we arrived at the afternoon, the weather was very nice, but we had no time, and the people I’m with are more interested in work and ..Shopping…
The last day, I decided, I will not walk the way they want me to, true she is my manager, but still, I woke up early in the morning, went walking, went to the shore, drank my coffee there, and got the chance to ride the speed boat. This made me realize, I love the sea the most, I never wake up early in the morning to walk to do any thing, I hate waking up, but to watch the sea, I’m ready to do any thing…I believe that the view of water, just give u the peace and harmony that you wish to live with, it has been one of my dreams to live by the sea.. I wish that this dream will come true one day…

Sometimes I like the way I think and act, I never let any one control me, or manage me the way he or she wishes, even though I make them happy and satisfied, it is not about this situation only; I’m talking in general… I guess this is what they are talking about social cleverness.

This is the 1st time I don’t know how to sleep, I guess this is because I went to sleep so early, is there any one goes to sleep at 10?? I did…I should have taken something to read…

I wrote this 2 days ago, and I did not publish it in my blog, I got busy with something else, today I got a comment from maiosh, saying she misses me, or misses my writing. The truth she succeeded in drawing a smile on my face, I was so happy that by writing my diaries, I’m making new friends…this was not in my mind when I started to write in my blog. Again thanks maiosh for your sweet comment.

It rained today…

Yes…it rained today, I was so excited, and very happy that I was out, so I can witness the first drops of water.
I love winter, I enjoy it, with all of its feelings…it is hard to believe that, since I’m a person who likes to go out all the time, but still, I love winter, and I enjoy going out under the rain.

Now, I’m enjoying a song, an old one, it is called: “lail wi ra3d..” for Wae’l Kforry, I used to love this song, and now, I even love it more, cuz it reminds me with someone…some one I wish that will be a great part in my life.

Today is 9/11, and this year is the 2nd anniversary of the explosions in Amman, I just can remember this day as yesterday, I remember I cried, and went on crying. I was telling to myself, this is the safe Amman, how could they do it to us, many feelings were at that moment, anger, sorrow, fear, and definitely confusing…I just could not imagine who could do something as repulsive as this…I said to myself, yes I know the misery that our family in Palestine going through, yes we feel so sorry for the horrible things happing in Iraq and Lebanon, but sure…this is something different, it has been never expected, and once it took place, u started to call family and friends to be sure that they r safe, and no harm is done…and the story does not end here, u start to hear about this and that…dead…injured…lost someone dear..

Today, and after 2 years…we still feel the pain… but life goes on…goes on to show those ppl that Jordan is much stronger than what they think…and they’ll never scare our safe…beloved Amman…

I just don’t get it…

Two days ago, while I was sitting in my office, three cars had been involved in an accident, it looked that there were injuries, and cars were partially damaged. Cups, and ambulance came to the accident, and they started to move the cars, and get the ppl out of the car.
This is the 1st time to see an accident that close, and to keep updated with what happens, usually I just pass by it, feel sorry for them and walk away as fast as I can…what I really can’t get, is why ppl stop to watch and check the accident, even if they r on the other side of the street… they may even get out of their cars, and go to check it…I know that this is the right thing to do, if and only if, u r offering help, and no one is there to help, then it is a human obligation to help. But to stop on the middle of the street, to gaze at the seen, I just don’t see the benefit of that…on the contrary, they cause delay for other ppl, and there is a great possibility of another accident, due to the distraction…
I really wish ppl just mind their own business, especially when it comes to accidents like those.
The weather is starting to get better, tepm. Is dropping, and I like that.

The day before yesterday, was a very distinguished day, I saw her majesty queen Rania Al Abd-Allah. I saw her in person, she looks more than great, elegant, cute, and so ..royal…I also saw Koffe Annan, and took a photo with him….the great about this whole thing is that I got some action in my life…I guess I really needed it badly..

The last few days, big thinking about my career is occupying my mind, and still I did not make my mind about any thing.

I deactivated my facebook account for one week, to protest on having groups that hurt Religions, weather Islam, or Christianity….one week without facebook…I guess it is a good way to get clean from this addiction…lol… it is like going to a rehab.

I regret making the 1st move, I guess it was a big mistake, I feel sorry I did it, but what to say.. I guess it is one of life lessons.

Me and friends went to a uni-friend’s house…it was more than great to see old friends…get back to the old days.. recall all the fun…I think I talked about this before…so I’d better stop here.

He called her today…

She saw his name on her mobile, a very big smile was drawn at her face…she almost jumped cause he called…

She made a promise, she will not talk to him, call him, or even ask about him, she will forget every thing related to him, not because he is a bad guy, but because the job was joining them together is done.. and each one of them went in a different way…

True she knows that he has a wife.. kids.. and she had never thought of him as her man… despite all of that …she was thrilled he called… she was happy to know that he cares about her, he called her as a friend….she dose not care…the important thing is that he remembers… this satisfies her ego…the female ego..

She was happy to know that she is a strong person…she was able to end a relationship… just erase him from her head… forget every thing about him.. even though she knows she is a special to him..and yes…as usual ..she succeeded…..she deserves bravo…so…bravo…

I spent the whole day alone in the office.. I like the idea of having an office where no one shares it with u.. u listen to whatever u want…call…talk any one with the freedom of act and speak… I always had partners in the office.. I know it is a temporary situation ..but still…I’m enjoying it…

I went to see my friend today, two other friends from university days were there, I realized that it has been years since I saw them last time, even though we r in the same city. Great thing about these meetings is that it get u back to the old days…to the days u were a kid.. enjoying life. The only thing that makes these meetings not that comfy is that when u find all the ppl have things, accomplishments to talk about, but u …u don’t…so u start to talk about others, that’s why I keep avoiding such gatherings…

Have I said that I like my new office…I like the big glassy wall, being able of seeing every one goes in and out of the building…waw…I keep on thinking of the snow.. it will be an amazing view…