Jul 29, 2007

We like to hear it…we like to believe it….

Strange how like to hear complements, and then we believe it and start to act according to it. It is our nature to do so, and even if we tried to fight this tendency we fail and sometimes just give up.

Me is no difference than other, I like to hear complements, I try to control the feeling of happiness to stay humble, but I can’t hide the thrill I feel when hearing good stuff about me.

That day, I was sitting with a friend of my sister, she asked me to tell her about the person I have in my life, I tried my best to convince her that I have no one in my life, and never have, but my efforts went with the winds. She has this believe that I’m a big liar when it comes to this issue. Her point of view, that I have this personality, where I socialize with many people, with different levels, and in different ways, being successful in life, work and having a good look are the main reasons for not believing that I’m not in love. She also added, that guys may be intimidated by my strong personality, and since I’m a special person, I deserve a special soul mate, and this is not easy to find….I kind liked that….since it agrees with my feeling that I have limited options in life..(I may talk about that later).

I started to mention the weakness I have, may be I wanted to find justifications, I even tried to convince myself with it before convincing her. To tell you the truth, I enjoyed hearing complements, and yes…I couldn’t fight the temptation of believing them….it is enjoyable to hear that u r a good person, specially when it comes from a person that waits nothing from u, and no benefits will gained from saying what has been said.

It is killing me….

That’s it…it is killing me over and over, today I absolutely did not want to come to work, I cant bear it, it is all over, making me nervous with this red face, willing to fight with any one, not to mention my way in driving, I turned to be one of the idiots I wish they distinguished from the streets…
Yesterday I could not sleep, took more than three cold showers, and yet …I can’t sleep because of it…I feel my ideas scattered, nothing can save me from this.. ..no…there is something…yes…something we used to have…unfortunately it is not there any more…God….why don’t we have AC….this heat is killing me……..eh eh eh

I can’t wait till the end of the day……. I need to be in the pool….when is it going to be 6:30??